Getting What You Came For: Online Dating and Mating

Online dating is becoming one of the preferred choices of meeting people for both sexual activity and seeking long-term relationships.  While most friends I’ve spoken to would agree it is not where they expected to turn, the convenience of meeting someone online can be far less work then trying to find someone out in the non-digital world.  Even if you do find someone in the non-digital world, the first thing most of us do upon meeting someone new is check out their facebook and do a quick google search to make sure they are what they seem, online dating appears to just reverse the order.  

What I find incredibly interesting in the online dating world is that there is literally a place for everyone.  This Link shows only 23 of the most oddly specific dating sites out there.  Hundreds exist with a niche for everything from sea captains looking for a first mate to those hoping to form a relationship with a woman who is currently incarcerated.  You can find a site that includes all types of religions, hobbies, and sexual fantasies and fetishes.  There is one obvious  advantage to joining a community like this, you are free to be whomever you are without any judgment, especially on these specific sites.  Love Disney and only want to date someone else who does? Perfect: website here.  Looking for a Furry mate? Perfect: website here.  If you meet someone on a fetish website or a website with a very specific interest intended audience, you get to skip one of the most awkward conversations of a new relationship where you don’t know how someone is going to react to something you might be into, you can filter to find whatever you want. 

In dating and Mating, Couch discusses filtering and identity and how online dating negotiates identity (Couch 269).  She mentions the filtering of identity as a process of interpretation and self-construction.  You want to seem appealing to whomever you are hoping to attract online, but also need to remain true to yourself so there will not be disappointment upon meeting in real life.  This is an easy task when you can be so specific about what site you choose to join.  She finds that people use online dating sights not exclusively to form long-term relationships, but also to ease boredom and find sexual partners.  You can make new friends, try something you’ve always wanted too, and explore things that you may not share with your best friends in a typically safe environment. 

While online dating is typically safe in the eyes of participants, that doesn’t mean it is without its fair share of people looking to stir the pot.  This website shares online dating user horror stories.  Many of them are lighthearted and the problems they faced could have been easily avoided by a different choice of a more specific dating website, but some of them are horrifying.  I believe that we have barely scratched the surface of online dating as a generation, and it can be seen as both a positive and a negative that you can find out so much about someone before you meet.  Online dating might have some initial surprises, but if you vigorously filter and search for exactly what you are looking for, it may come with less surprises later on in the relationship.